as if it would help.

ok, i've got nothing to blog about.

wondering which crybaby should i get.. the mister or the classic or 535. and if i should get the sd-1 as well. but don't want to spend so much money already lah. i think i've spent near to 1k this month.. :(

thinking of when to go collect my 200bucks gpa. feels quite a hassle to go down to school.. out of the way la. hahaha. funny thing to say when school's between home and town.

still procrastinating about tidying up my room. finally i've got my own room, but too lazy to make all the plans i had for it materialize. need to get a whiteboard and cd rack. but i don't want to spend anymore money! and my things are all lying all over the place now.

and i feel rather lonely now.. i just pray for someone i can talk to. don't know what's happened. everyone whom i used to be able to talk to are either not around, or don't want to talk to me anymore. sigh, why have i become such a weirdo tt everybody shuns.

punchinello.. punchinello.

i realize one of the things i miss most about school is having a group of ppl u r forced to go back to everyday. well, it keeps you in constant company, and you'll always have fun with school friends.

and i miss a lot of things too. somethings i know will never come again, some things i never had, and some things i had foregone.

so emo. hahaha.

punchinello, punchinello.

what matters most is what my creator thinks of me, and He loves me most.

back from the refugee camp

i'm back from my missions trip!

spent one day in a hotel, and the rest of the days in the refugee camp.. pretty good trip, saw a lot of new stuff, experienced a lot of new stuff and saw how others live a life of worship. pretty inspiring actually. those ppl in the refugee camp have to spend their entire lives in there, pretty hope-less actually. but seeing how the christians there are still able to put their hope in God, and live purposefully is inspiring.

got sick on christmas day.. went for the children's service, puked and spent the entire day in bed. so i spent my entire christmas in bed. got a bit better, but felt pretty bad again after that. puked on the plane.. and the irritating ppl sitting behind me didn't help at all. had the lousiest flight ever.

glad to be back in singapore, where i can drink straight from the tap, walk out without a jacket, and not worry about my passport.:)

kinda missed out on all the christmas festivities.. over there, u actually have to tell ppl it is christmas. but now i'm back here in singapore, christmas and all the celebrations are over already. ah, sigh. come to think of it december, for me, has been a month of disappointments.

now to think of how to deco my "new" room, get furniture, wah pedal, stuffs and how to mix absolut vodka.

grins. 18 brings about new freedom and responsibilities. it's exciting to be free and independent, but if i don't get a job, i'll be broke.

leaving on a jet plane

about 4 hours before i fly off.. did what i needed to, and so can fly peacefully now.. home stuffs nearly all settled. :)

and today is my 3rd birthday.. accepted christ and was reborn on this day on 21st december 2002. i'm glad for that. :) it's been a journey.

as i fly off today, i guess it also marks a new beginning in some sense. the beginning of a new life where i'll be dependent on God, and really grow a strong and practical faith i can walk by. please pray that i'll be strong enough to take this growing step.

ok i've got to leave to meet the others now. show some love ppl! (on the right -->)

merry christmas and God bless!

and all i want for christmas is you.

last day before i leave for thailand. at least what was on my mind is more or less settled, and i can leave for my missions trip with a peace of mind. :)

now i don't know what to do. could i have been ignoring God in this aspect for a year already? i don't know, doesn't feel so. i'm wondering if i should do this last thing that i've been planning to do. maybe i should just do it. maybe i shouldn't. God, if You don't give me a clear no, i'm going ahead with it. but after this, i guess i will be taking a few steps back, and i will not move until You tell me to.

sometimes surrender is such a painful act. yet surrender is supposed to be the easy way out, the end to fighting.

i think i've been too caught up in other stuffs lately. need to refocus man. this trip is timely, perhaps. but right now, my batteries are running low. so low i'm afraid that it might get completely dissipated and i can never recover.


and Lord, i will not move till You tell me to.

camp, busy-ness and stuffs.

reflecting on the previous post, where i posted a real sappy love song and bored all u readers having you think that koon is in love, i realized that song is really what God would want to say to us. He actually wants nothing more than our love. but still, nothing will change His love for us. so you see, my God is great.

and on another issue.. talked to some ppl about God after the campfire. and a few were like 'God feels real.. but it just doesnt feel like its time yet." i just wanna say i was at that stage once too. but then, some things are so real that you can't deny. and if what i say holds any weight at all, i tell you.. God is real. and God is great. and God loves you.

ok, i feel in quite a blogging mood today, so let me rant on a bit.

worked today.. rather crazy.. considering that i came back from a camp that i was rather wiped out from, especially with all the rehearsals preluding to it, and all the millions of work, missions and other commitments i had. spent about 5 full hours delivering some memo from the management to the shops, by hand. and in that 5 hours, covered only about half of suntec. wow, i think there are more than a thousand shops in suntec. guess i talked to hundreds of ppl today, and at the end of the hundreds, i was rather sianed out. oh yea, i saw man yun n elisa today! the 2 girls who sat nearest to me in school. both working at suntec now.. haha. different places though. i must say they look very different now. so babelicious, different from when we were in school. HAHAHA. just joking. but you girls hot lah. i'm sure attract lots of customers for your shop with your looks.

i think working in retail, customer service and jobs where you are servicing people directly can make you feel like the most unloved person in the world. everybody talks to you, or you talk to people because of something you need, or they need, or you are trying to sell. nobody takes interest in you as a person. for all you know, the person you said "hi, thanks a lot. see you, sir.' may have a mind with the artistry of picasso and you have just passed by a chance to know him. and especially for giftwrap where i keep seeing all these young couples who are so much in love, and having so much fun at the most mundane thing like waiting for ur gift to be wrapped makes me yearn so much to get out of my singlehood. this spells desperate. hahaha. but i guess waiting for God's timing is the best. i have no choice anyways.

now, on to camp! was at withlove camp during the week. pretty ok, but this camp i didnt feel very very ministered to, maybe because i was giving more than taking. maybe that is a different kind of ministering.. :) this is the safest camp i've been to i think. the most dangerous thing i did was sitting at a roadside in the dark for about an hour plus, trying to be out of sight of pple. but i learnt a lot, a lot during this camp though. about myself and about God, and about others. was a good 4 days at camp!

cheers to the camp com! to amelia, the camp chair whom i irritated a lot, to ben the advisor whom is my laxative.(hahahaha, i find this very amusing, sorry.) walter, who helped me with you know what, and was a pretty cool camp commandant, rachel who was a good and the first female camp commandant i've seen. nicholas who is always crapping about lobo, bobo and whatever else. clemence who is currently stressed with all the accounts, and qingying, the young one who did so well with the worship coordinating. thanks all of you for the sacrificed sleep and food and the patience when we campers were all oh-so-uncooperative.

cheers to my camp group too! sparks!(i do remember leh.) somehow, we got second for our skit though we never even had one rehearsal. hahahaaa. amazing. don't think they'll read my blog, but i'll shout out anyways. jophillien, i'm very amazed by the care you show to the young ones at camp. ting yi, amazing bsl, though u r only like sec 2? am i right? and hope to see nigel, david and chau liang more in church. you guys rock :) jacq, now i know ur secrets.. heheheh. theo, u r so big, but u rock. really enthu about guitar leh u. and of course, gabriel! you are actually an amazing person though we always suan u. really admire u for ur patience, and the care u show for the little ones. you are also very much a spiritual leader within our clique as well. :)

and thanks to God. You've showed me why i keep breaking down during worship sessions recently, and i especially want to thank You for ur forgiveness. and Your love that never gave up on me. and at camp, i've been just praying so much "i want you here, Lord. we want you here, Lord." and that is pretty much what my soul yearns for. Your presence in my life.

nothing's gonna change my love for you

Nothing's gonna change my love for you - George Benson

If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh, so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong

Our dreams are young and we both know
They’ll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I don’t want to live without you.

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You oughta know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I’ll never ask for more than your love.

Nothing’s gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
but nothing’s gonna change my love for you.

If the road ahead is not so easy
Our love will lead the way for us like a guiding star
I’ll be there for you if you should need me
You don’t have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are.

So come with me and share this view
I’ll help you see forever too
Hold me now, touch me now
I don’t want to live without you.

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You oughta know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I’ll never ask for more than your love.

Nothing’s gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
but nothing’s gonna change my love for you.


if only love could change things..


hi world, this is koon logging in to tell you to smile. most of the time, things don't go the way you want it to. and brings you down to your knees in tears. i know because i am there. but keep smiling, because at the end of the day, we have a great God who loves you enough to die for you, who loves you enough to be your comfort, and to make all things right for you. just because He is God, and you are you, is enough reason for you to wear a smile everlasting. :)

ouch

one of the lousiest day..

was feverish after rehearsals last night. woke up today still a bit woozy, went to work and got screwed by the boss all the time she was at the booth. and i wouldn't even talk back, because didnt want to get a bad reputation. so this is the oppression that the workforce goes through?

then wandered around city hall, before going down to church for rica rica. should have been a blast, but it was one of my more anti-social nights.

feels like such a blah day.

a "psalm"

I am my own shepherd, I am always in need.
I stumble from mall to mall, and shrink to shrink, seeking relief but never finding it.
I creep through the valley of the shadow of death and fall apart.
I fear everything from pesticides to power lines, and I'm starting to act like my mother.
I go down to the weekly staff meeting, and am surrounded by enemies.
I go home, even my goldfish scowls at me.
I annount my headache with extra-strength Tylenol.
My Jack Daniel's runneth over.
Surely misery and misfortune will follow me, and i will live in self-doubt for the rest of my lonely life.

Max Lucado - Travelling Light

hahaa can anyone guess what psalm the above is a parody of? tag on the tagboard! winners get ____. :)


work's getting kinda draggy. off day tmr! but've got rehearsal and everything to go to. then, it'll be chalet, a day break, camp, a day break, oasis, a day break and then work before flying to thailand. this is gonna past in a flash man. must remember to go update my passport tmr.

i was thinking about how wonderful life is. working at the giftwrap counter, sure there are the fair share of kiasu aunties, but there are also the ppl who are young, in love and happily married. ppl don't necessary have to grow up, go to work and get killed. :) some hope. oh yea, i just realized that most of my clientele are female. the silly carebear. hahaaha. the day a guy comes to ask about the carebear umbrella, not for a girlfriend or daughter will be the day i laugh my guts out in front of a customer. heeheheh.


and i think i kinda realize who secret is. oops, i'm sorry. cheers to you.

lousy work day

so today, went to peninsula to get the guitar repaired with daryl. realized tt beez has moved over to guitar77 from yamaha. hahaa kinda great news. don't have to say why.

and then had to work. kinda draggy today.. found out persis has quit already. work seems pretty bad now. love the customers, love the colleagues but hate the management. they are so damn stingy and because we are temps, they throw us so much irrelevant work to do. should have had a letter of appointment stating that we are contracted as gift wrappers, and not their admin workhorses. or paper cutter or runners.

and i don't really like the person who will be in charge of us from now on. got some friction between her and me la. because of some stupid thing, but yeah. i can't really stand her. heh.

on the bright side, it flooded at suntec today! some water pipe burst or something, and i happened to be there since i was called to go over to tower 5 office. damn fun to push the trolley through the water and secretly splash water at ppl. hahaaha. the things work do to you.

and i have pretty much loads of trouble of my own. yes koon has his problems too. i am just human, and less superior than most. God, help me!

bugger me.

so i've been eating a lot over the past few days. i think the 5kg i've lost is all back already.. but it'll all be ok when work starts again, and i can not eat again.

but it's been a good 3 days without work. i guess free days are good only when you dont have too many of them.

worship retreat was pretty good, though again i was pretty off from discussion. just sat there and thought stupid thoughts and think everybody was just being really anal. hahaaha. i'm not a really good retreat-goer. if got a problem, there are 364 other days to solve it, why leave everything till a retreat?

and i realize my weeks till very long later are all packed. rehearsals, work and all. and i don't know if i can go to class chalet for most days.. so many things to do, and all i enjoy. God has been pretty good to me, and i really pray that i'll have the strength to live and be blessed. :)

playing in paradox and playing in worship team both seems rather different. both have their strengths la.. and i realize i have become pretty much a different kind of guitar player. i can't really hold down some stuffs well, and some stuffs i can. wanna play more! and i really do need to learn how to play an acoustic, if only i had an acoustic guitar or someone to teach me.


and it really is kinda sucky to know that it doesn't mean a thing to you at all. if only it did, i'd be ecstatic, if it isn't i cannot be too bitchy about it either. you don't know what it is like to be the one who is so crazy over someone when you are always the one being chased. it gets really tough sometimes. not that you're not worth the trouble though. :) i don't know, i am being bitchy. bugger me. but since i have already surrendered it all to God, there can only be one response.

Lord, blessed be Your name.

happy birthday!

so for my 18th birthday, i spent 24 hours watching clock as it ticked away.


haha, not really. it was a pretty good birthday this year. thanks all the ppl who came to badminton, and all those who helped in it that made it a pretty ok event. :)

also, thanks to the person whom i bought a mini cooper for. u made today great! thank you. :)

and thanks to the many ppl who messaged me happy birthday. thanks for remembering, especially those whom i havent seen in a while. :)


and so, i am 18 now. a great year lies ahead...

blessed be your name

Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering
though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out, I'll
turn back to praise

Every blessing You pour out,
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord Blessed be Your name