spidey

it's quite amazing how unproductive i can be.

spent the whole day in hall trying to study, and didn't get much done in the way of studying. Instead, cleaned the room a bit, got ableton and gearbox up and running on my mac. Perhaps, the most rewarding thing is discovering "light brown" on gearbox. love that tone!

and now, i have a pet spider hanging 'round in an overturned plastic cup on my table. i shall name it spidey, and i don't quite know what to do with it. I don't really fancy catching insects to feed it, but i'm pretty sure it doesn't eat leaves or bread crumbs or mentos.

maybe the only reason to pair up is because two is stronger than one. there are relationships which you have to feed, and there are those that makes both of you bigger than being two separates. A balance is certainly most appropriate, but i guess we do see more of the former than the latter.

so there, i'm about 2 weeks from exams, feeling somewhat a tad too relaxed(maybe because i have actually done a fair bit of studying during the school term instead of only starting to look for my textbooks/notes at this point in time.)

I can't wait for the holidays, when i can start doing all the things i've been waiting to do!

1. Catch up with friends who don't stay in boon lay.
2. Record 3 songs.
3. Earn some $$$ to get that new guitar, clothes or whatever else i need.
4. Eat good food.
5. Buy some more CDs.
6. Go to Timbre, or anywhere else with live music.
7. Get fit again.
8. Day trip to m'sia for mary brown, A & W, and secret recipe!!
9. Turn 21.

and probably sleep too.

just one of those days...

just one of those days that i feel crummy and feel like i screwed up every aspect of my life.

I know we all live through this, but don't we all keep coming back to this?

so what's the point.

told you i can't write.

prayer changes things?

this week, the image that stuck to me the most was a piece of sticker stuck on the back of someone's laptop.

i can't remember whose it was exactly, but it said "prayer changes things"

i was praying for change.

busy busy busy

the quizzes, assignments & presentation are driving me nuts!

The intensity itself is only half as bad, the other half lies in the fact that it does not end with the week.

Somebody tell me that you are an university student with a life.

can. not. create.

I've lost the ability to write. Earlier on in my education, writing came almost naturally to me. Compositions and essays just kind of... flowed.

Now I can hardly read my own essays for university without itching to tear it all apart. I can't stand what I write. If not for a lack of time, these are works that I would never let the world see.

And more troubling is the fact that I've not written songs in quite a while too. Not that I can come up with great songs, but for the fact that writing songs used to be such a release for me. Though nobody else hears them, putting down feelings, moments, thoughts into a neat little musical package was such a rush for me.

I can not create anymore.


On another note, I'm thinking about what it means to sing Hallelujah, what it means to praise God?

If we believe in God to such an extent that we sing songs and utter prayers to praise Him - and still think we are sane, shouldn't the extent we trust in His ability and promise to hold our lives in His hands be far greater than what it is now?