desire

it's been a while since i ended the day wanting something, or somebody so bad.

you know the way you keep checking that little window to see if there is a change in status? yeah, something like that.

it is so absurd, but i just..........

i am kind of praying against all rational hope that this isn't the end. such a small glimmer it was, but i'm sure it would have been more than a bushfire.

no, wait, i am not that sure. i don't even know much!

God, please don't let this be the end?

slimy gnome

there is this sticky little gnome, his name is procrastination.

he comes by around once in a while, all too often, and just takes off with the time we all thought we had.

we had all the time in the world till he came. and he doesn't play fair. he returns for more, but never returns what he took.

he takes our time, and hide it in various places. like the little blue(and now, all too cluttered) book of faces. or a tube which claims to be about you. sometimes he just places it in the dark forest of blank daze, where upon entry one loses all sense of time.

go away you slimy gnome. stop stealing my time!

support group

i find it very interesting, the "professional supporters" Benjy was telling us about at tutorial today.

a high level of organized crazed fanaticism over... something you don't necessarily enjoy? why?

feel

today, i learnt that it takes a tremendous amount of effort and dedication to be good at something.

today, i learnt that it is worth it - to have that ability to bless someone with your art by bringing him/her to that place where one is allowed to feel.

it sucks

ok, the article really did suck.

i don't know if i should be happy or sad about this. sad because it sucked, happy because at least i understand why it sucked and that means i actually stand a chance in improving on my writing.

I feel like shit. I can't do anything without having this hanging around in a shadow at the back of my head.

God, please help me out.

to-do

Interestingly, my to-do list has nicely cleared up since friday and i actually feel quite relaxed today.

Had time to spare to have an afternoon beer at Brewerkz with some of the church people.. ROCKS. Happy hour beer is $3.25 only.

So it's just one test this week, and the semester long assignments to do.

I hope i get to spend the time more on other pursuits. :)

And I am most likely getting a new phone this weekend! If anyone has Singtel Hello! vouchers you want to give/trade/sell to me, let me know.



Tell me if I'm wrong, but why would we change it?

Writing Frenzy

This week was a frenzy of studying for Com202, and writing and writing and writing.

One piece was for the sports section of Chronicle, and one for Connexscions. Now I really hope they do not get spiked.

I have never felt so inadequate as a writer.

Looking back to when I was younger, it has always been writing that saved me. Though I had a pretty lousy attitude towards school, the stories i turned in for composition class always kept me in the teachers' good graces. In primary school, teachers unofficially granted me from doing corrections for writing assignments. While they chased my friends to spell "ultimate" properly and write it three times, I was usually just left on my own even when I don't turn in my assignments.

But here I am now, in Communication Studies, and I have no shit of an idea how I am supposed to write or what I am supposed to write.

The kind editors that I am writing for, Tiffany and Jian Yue, painstakingly guided me through the whole week while I tried to edit my article to get it saved. Quite an experience writing my first article, as I got to experience first hand how to gather quotes and information, and how important it is to find a good angle and dig deeper. I know only because I started without one.

As for Connexscions, it was quite a rushed piece. Misunderstood the scope that I was supposed to write for, and ended up combining two topics into one.

It was never this hard. (But I have never learnt this much.)

Aside from the practical lessons learnt, talked to favorite senior Chris for a while today as I got him to review my connexscions piece. He said he could tell that I was too concerned with trying to adhere to the things they teach us in school. Inverted pyramids, short sentences, etc.

And I knew right then that he was right. This was killing my writing.

As a communications student, I understand, and am trained to write with the purpose of communicating a message to an audience. I understand that a superfluous, artistic or overly abstract piece is unnecessary. I understand that things need to be in a logical flow to bring and keep the audience on a journey. I understand that a quick and grabbing lead is what determines whether the article would be read or not.

I understand all those, and that is what I should be applying in writing. Not inverted pyramid structures, seven word sentences or one sentence paragraphs. Those are tools, not guides.

I shouldn't be constrained with all these concerns. I should be communicating the message in a way that serves the audience best. I can be creative. I can make dramatic exclamations if that is what is needed for the message!!!

I can separate a sentence from a paragraph.

Or break away a short sentence.

To make a point.

The only rule is that the message goes from me to you in this medium.


That is my insight for the week. :)

The Queen

Wouldn't you want her as your queen?



Queen Rania of Jordan, everybody.

The Fear

Listened to the entire Lily Allen CD, "it's not me, it's you" this morning in school.

I rarely post non-live music videos, but here's one.



I think she's the kind of girl I'd fall madly in love with, but never be happy with. Because I'd love her and hate her so much at the same time. It's like bittersweet.

Nanyang Tech

I'm sure most of you would have heard by now. If not,

http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking%2BNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_344879.html
"A NANYANG Technological University professor was stabbed by his final-year project student, who later fell off a bridge linking two buildings on the Boon Lay campus on Monday morning."

If not for Marcus' suggestion to go to the H&SS library today, i would have passed by that place on the way back from canteen B at the exact time the incident happened.

It is such a tragedy, for the student and the professor. I wonder what will drive a person to such lunacy. (or desperation?) Is anything ever that important that will drive a person to even venture near the line of life and death?

And as a comms student, I guess today I learnt the value of not broadcasting everything you know. Information has the power to hurt or to heal. Think.

Someone today made a decision that he would have no chance to regret. He could have been next to you on the bus or been eating right across from you in the canteen. Where could you have been in his life?

Recess starts with R but is not a close relation of Rest.

I am so exhausted.

It's saturday, one day before recess week is officially over. I will have to spend tomorrow at the ATC step up race, so tomorrow's pretty much gone too.

Other than a good amount of procrastinating, recess week has been traversing around the island, from home to school, school to home, mostly because of school commitments and assignments.

And before recess week ends, i still have one mid-term to study for and two articles to write.

The most important lesson i've learnt this recess week is that procrastination is not rest. Especially if you tend to worry, like me.

Other than that, I'd just like to add that it really irks me when people I tell people I've been busy, and they react with "other people not busy meh?"

I think they really mean to say that they themselves have been drowning in busy-ness too. There is really a more direct and less scathing way to say this. If you want to share your burden with me, i'm most willing to be a friend for you.

But if you want to be snide and imply in indirect ways that you have more to do than me, and you are really busy and you are superior and everyone should be treating you much better, well... i will readily concede and let you have that victory.

I don't want this prize, and quite frankly i don't see why you do.

Friday night with Clement and the guys at supper was quite something. Friday night at POTs was quite something too. I really need to live my faith.

Tonight was Irwin's party. In a way, I did enjoy this party quite a bit, despite the absence of excessive boozing. Maybe I am learning the art of sobriety.



Respect, humility, love.