the bravest people

i went to the hospital today, and i saw some of the bravest people i've seen in my life.

And I can see the pain in you
And I can see the love in you
And fighting all the demons will take time
Will take time

This Ain't A Love Song

It made me so mad 'cause
I wanted it bad for us baby
And now it's so sad that whatever we had
Ain't worth saving
oh oh oh

If the love that I got for you's gone
If the river I cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong
This ain't a love song

-Jon Bon Jovi.
but this is a love song, a sad, sad love song.

silly poem.

for that moment i held my breath,
my heart tried not to beat.
i fear that any gesture i make,
would kill the beauty.

if i locked that moment,
and stowed it away,
the rest of my life would just be
a mere robbery.

it'd steal everything,
the magic, the hope,
and sheer pleasure
this moment holds for me.

the moment passes,
she smiles and walks to me,
a wriggle in her hips.
and her sweet voice streams from her lips.

"how about another drink, sir?"

and i continue to live.


(dedicated to the cute waitress at timbre. hahaha.)


the eve of christmas eve, i spent with my old friend eric, had a good talk up at upper pierce. and what a walk. somebody should realize i hate walking, no matter that i am a soldier and i should be loving this. and then spent the evening with jx, at timbre, which was a pretty nice place with a certain very very cute waitress.

and christmas eve, slept in, went for 11am service, and took a walk with lydia. i'm gonna spend the afternoon at home, have a good dinner with my family, and stay in and watch love, actually on tv.

probably one of the quietest christmases i have, but i quite like it. especially spending time with all those that matters, and this year, particularly my family. who knows, this might be a great chance to share the love of God with them. :)

here's a nice pic from yesterday.

jolly, merry christmas people. Jesus who was born this day loves you, unconditionally and infinitely.

all i want for christmas is my chipped front tooth.

if you've seen me lately, you'd have realized that my front tooth is chipped. well, it was chipped from long ago but the filling fell off again recently.

anyways, this must be the quietest christmas i've had in recent years. for the first time since long ago, i'm not involved in any project, or have any obligations to be serving some charity. though it's a good and needed break from the hectic training i've been having, not doing anything for christmas feels a little weird.

christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ. the birth of one who lived all His life in love for others. and i guess this is what christmas is about. and so here is my christmas wishlist:

i wish for..

1. my mum to get better, and be able to stay positive and courageous throughout the entire process.

2. my family to be closely bonded, after all these years that my bro and i spent most of our lives out of it.

3. a closer relationship with God. it has been stagnant or deteoriating since i left school. i want to be back there once again. i want to get even closer, but the world pulls me away.

4. maturity for my ns-mates. yes, ns sucks. i think so too. but despite all the stupid and purposeless things we do for bureaucracy and maybe to satisfy somebody's ego, remember that we really need to be part of this defence force for the country to tick.

5. love and open-ness for my church friends. let's get over all the misgivings, and live our lives in ministry the way Jesus intended His church to be alright? and then, we save the world.

6. talent, a new amplifier, new effects and maybe a new guitar!

7. my chipped front tooth to be whole again.

dec

maybe the tragedy of our lives is our refusal to believe.

honestly, i want to run out in to the rain and get drenched. let the rain remind me how wretched i really am, instead of struggling and trying so hard to believe that i might just make it.


but anyways, i have to be back in camp by 7pm because of the creative project. ended up spending the morning in chinatown but not heading in to sentosa. i wouldn't say it was a wasted day, with a new friend made, or renewed?

right now, i want so much to have time to improve on my guitaring. to have time to sit down and make music and not worrying having to be somewhere else in an hour. i really want to be playing so much better, and most importantly, to influence people into worship.

and i was thinking, every christmas i seek love so much. i want to be somewhere where i'd be accepted, i want to be somewhere where i'd be soaked with love. and maybe that's why i always look forward to christmas so much, and maybe that's why i often don't feel christmas was good enough. but this year, this year will be different. i think this year is the year i'll have to be there for someone, to shower her with the love that she needs. no more all for me. at least not this year.

te-kong!

honestly, i think bmtc looks more like a holiday resort than a military institute. even the ferry terminals on both ends and the ferry service.

and i never ever stayed in bmtc. neither will i get a chance to. so all those who hated bmtc, or those who dread having to go there in the future, do know there are worse places to be. it's not just the environment. if you are at bmtc, you are at the poster place for national service. things there would all be merrily under and sheltered by the system, the way the system was meant to be. there are worse places.

and so tekong was a not so bad experience after all. it rained so it wasn't that hot, though my boots were very very muddied as a result. and whacking wasn't all that bad. maybe the hotline issue at play again. also refreshed on navigating, which i learnt in secondary school. quite a useful skill i say.

if you are ever in a situation where you could learn something, do your best to learn. these are good skills that may come in handy some time. rather than waste your time being a passenger, why not go learn pro-actively? time will pass anyway.

and the stars. probably one of the few favourite parts i have of going outfield. beautiful stars, with no city lights trying to blind our eyes. and the nice clean air, the greens and browns of vegetation and wildlife. what do i not like then? combat rations, not showering, not brushing, no communications to the outside world.

and all in all, it was a pretty good experience, and i still managed to book out to go to church. oh yeah, Lydia reminded me of something today. if you never step out of the boat, you will never walk on water. that's where faith does the work innit?

christmas

part of the reason why i love christmas is the soundtrack. like fine mist, christmas carols permeate the radio stations, elevator music, toilet music, restaurants, and even public walkways.

love is in the air. if you ask me, christmas is a season of love. not so much for the presents or the mistletoe's hanky panky that kind of thing. it is generally just love. not only do couples come out more to soak in the christmassy atmosphere of the cities, the charities are driving out in full force.

giving and sharing presents. what we learn from christmas is doing things for others than yourself. love is shared liberally in this chrismas season.

and of course, the birth of a saviour. a saviour born into communion with the created, born to show the way, and born to die.

a tinge of melancholy, and plenty of beauty. that's christmas.