ready to crumble

some days, particularly sundays, i just feel so ready to crumble. more than anything else, i just want to stop trying.

just a moment ago, i was thinking of going for a walk in town or the city area, to take in the lights and architecture and all the pretty artpieces and witty advertisments that line the streets. i would probably enjoy watching people walk on by, caught up in their anxiety of being on a first date, revelling in their excitement over a new purchase, old couples enjoying each others' company in their vintage romance, or little kids tumbling around. joys of life that are not everyday occurences to me, i could probably derive part of it from observing the happiness of others.

what was really disturbing is the realization that i'd probably have to take this walk alone. i bet people are already laughing at the emo-ness of this post. i guess i sort of cannot understand why nobody'd understand. maybe i am just a bit too much different from everybody else. lately i haven't been able to find anyone i could talk to, and that is one thing i'm so tired of trying - to relate to someone.

Here's an emo video to cap off an emo post. it's probably all over the radio and mtv, but if you haven't seen it, you probably should. it's a great video.

starfrosted ceiling

the wonderful thing about sleeping in the open is having a starfrosted ceiling and distant lights as wallpaper. the winds gently caresses you and the waves crash symphonically to compose a lullaby to lull you to sleep. when you awake, the morning greets you with an amazing, majestic array of colours, crimson creeping over the entire morning sky to displace the dark. and somehow in this spectrum, you find purple and blue and gold.

and when you remember that it is just you under the open skies, seas away from any 5 star luxury or common pleasure, you start to wonder if everything else is really that important.

ARGH.

(i had so much to say, and it was only when i tried typing it out did i realize how touchy a subject it still is.)

going away from mainland for a day or two. the last time i went there was one of the rare times i spoke to someone so openly and so truthfully about a certain subject. the last time i went there i was just so horribly confused about it. when i go there tomorrow, i think i am still as horribly confused as ever, but the winds have brought me to where i'll be.