this is going offline soon. moved.

friday night, and due to a myriad of factors - of loss, time, allocation and such, there is this incredibly intense sense that...

I have lost everything.

coming up next

it feels so surreal, that before this week is over, we will be in the next year already. another mad flurry of activities, retreats and trips, and i'll be in 2010.

what's to like about the year, what's not to? retrospection will come another time, but i think it has been a year that has been more intense, more painful, and perhaps also more satisfying.

i think as we grow older, the stakes become bigger, and hopefully our sense of responsibility increases proportionally with the stakes.

the blows become harder too, and i think in this single year, i've met with more setbacks than any other, and suffered more disappointments. but it's not a year that will bring me down, 'cause i have learnt to forge on (and whine less.)

and my results for the semester? not very good. disappointing, and i fared far worse than i thought i would. especially for creative strats and imc, but i'm glad that i still hung on to a second upper.

but no, i am not satisfied. simply for the fact that it's a result slips full of B+, and i fervently hate that grade. because to me, B+ = average, and i refuse to concede to being average. i am f-ing stellar.

singularity

I was taking a walk a while ago, and was just playing with the thought of my life partner in my head.

It's hard to imagine, but there is someone who is already perhaps 20 years or so into her life, who will be the right person for me. Someone unique and special, with her own experiences, whom will end up being my best mate for the rest of my life. And somehow, me and the person I am growing to be will be just right for her too.

And it could be someone I have never met, or someone I already know.

20 years or so into her life. And I have no freaking idea at all.

Ok, just a random thought that gave me some joy a while ago. And if these kinda thoughts make me so excited about life, what's bad with that. :)

pwned by dead scholars

I feel like shit, and I can't find a reason for it. Even screwing up the paper today doesn't feel like reason enough.

Jehovah Jireh

"If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

- Matthew 6:30 - 33

I learnt today that He wasn't joking.

Out of the Box

From a book i'm reading - A Deeper Level by Israel Houghton

This is an abstract from Alvin Richardson, apparently a production coordinator with Israel Houghton

"I am so excited that God has called us to a deeper level. I'm reminded of a time when the nation of Israel was called to a deeper level - basically invited to have a closer, more intimate relationship with God.

Sounds like a no-brainer, right? But they said, "No thanks." It was too intense for them, too scary.

So, instead, God allowed Himself to be figuratively put into a box. They build the Ark of the Covenant to house the Ten commandments, Moses' rod, and a jar of manna.

In many ways, however, this box represented the perceived presence of God to the Israelite people. I think God allowed this because He knew that eventually they would get sick of religion and ritual and would cry out for more.

God has undeniably called us to a deeper level. I believe He wants us to get past the trappings of church culture and lingo and habits. We have the same opportunity that Israel had - will we say "yes"? Or do we secretly prefer for God to stay in the box because it is too scary to have Him so close that our ugliness is exposed.

I think we tend to prefer the box. We try to fit Him into a program or a timetable. We repeat the things we say to Him in worship over and over.

Why don't we let God out of the box?

The truth is: we shouldn't be afraid of God cramping our style; we should worry that we will cramp His!

Our faith is boxed in. Our worship is boxed in. Our prayer life is boxed in. Let's respond to the call to go to a deeper level and let God out of the box. Let's worship expecting to see the lame walk. Let's sing and play expecting to see limbs grow back.

God has already blessed us so much from inside the box - imagine what He will do once we let Him out. During this consecration, find your box and rip it to shreds. There's no telling what God will do."

- Alvin Richardson
Blessings Beyond the Box