self-worth.

I'm gonna try anything to just feel better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better

And I can't find my way
God I need a change
And I do anything to just feel better
Any little thing to just feel better



been thinking about happiness lately. you know, the kind of happiness that makes you say you are generally a happy person, and you are contented and all? yeah, that kind of happiness.

i believe happiness stems from where you place your worth. if you achieve in wherever you place your worth, you'd feel happy. just to illustrate, say you have a very good friend who does anything to cheer you up. you should be happy, really, that there is someone in this world who bothers about you and cares about you. but say, the thing most important to you is say, another girl. no matter what your friend does for cheering you up, the increase in your happiness scale would be miniscule, as compared to what the girl in question can do for you with just a friendly conversation.

but that is not all. just take the above context, and swap friend for something else, or girl with anything else that is important to you. but the point is, wherever a person puts his/her worth in is the major deciding factor in whether a person is happy or not. let's see...

a person who places his worth in studies would be happy if he achieves good results.

a person who places his worth in friends would be happy if he has a good time with his friends.

a person who places his worth in his attractiveness would be happy if he has a horde of suitors.

a person who places his worth in music would be happy if he makes advancements in the music he makes.

a person who places his worth in God would be happy if he lives a life that pleases God.


but what if for some people like me, who don't know where i place my worth in? so how do i be happy? from experience, a lack of that knowledge doesn't make you always happy, but in fact it is quite the opposite. you may achieve, but you are never happy. i just end up lost and depressed.

and all too often, people place their worth in the wrong things. like beauty, how long can it last you? or academics, is it enough to fill all the crevices in your heart? or friends, who has never experienced the bitterness of betrayal? or love, how many times have thought of someone to be the right one only to be proven horrendously wrong?

and these remind me of a sign that i've read somewhere.

if others failed, try my Jesus.

now i'll hear frantic murmurs that i am going back to my religious fanatic blogging ways. but now, i tell you this. i've lost my way and i am finding God just as much as you who are reading this are. the test of this search will prove if God is indeed that saviour i've believed Him to be. go search yourself too, people. we all need to know what we are living for before we die.


I'm tired of holding on
To all things I ought to leave behind, yeah
It's really getting nowhere
I think I need a little help this time