how do i go there?

realized i have kinda forgotten how to get there already. what used to be so simple is now almost unfathomable. like the gift is for others, but not for me.

maybe it is the way my life is going that has made me lost sight of the way. or merely complaceny and slothiness. the urge to go there isn't even strong anymore. why? i really miss that kind of living a lot. am i cast out forever?

at the same time, thinking of what i have been taught, it is ridiculous to think that anything can actually close the door to this passageway. but it just doesnt feel that way right now.