walking dead

gosh i feel like i'm a walking dead. reading back the previous 5 entries or so, i realize that my mind is in shambles. i've never been a really smart kid, but now i'm not merely stupid. i'm stupid and confused.

i don't really talk that much anymore. neither do i smile that much. nor do i care much. did i use to be like this? nope, i don't think so. blame it on emotional distress or whatever excuses i can find. the truth is i am just pessimistic and too lazy to get off my ass which i've fallen off.

i never tell my friends i love them enough. i never tell my family i love them enough. i never do tell myself i love myself enough too. probably one day i'll be old and regretting that i grew up to be such a loveless and cynical old asshole. and then i'll ponder and honestly admit that at each stage of life, i had a choice. i could have chosen how i'll grow up to be. and at that time, i'd regret having made all the wrong choices.

no i do not want to get there. choose wisely while you can, kids. the only time when you can't choose is already over. this moment, the next and the future are all yours to do what you want with. and i repeat, choose wisely.