prideful and downtrodden

just hopped off eric's blog. haha. yeah emo despo best buds eh. but anyways, i was thinking about doing a thank you to the two of them when i was on my way home.

eric: hey, thanks for the book! a gift really warms the heart. not just because of the value of the book, or to what extent it will minister, but just for the effort and sacrifice you're willing to take, i am already thankful enough. deeply appreciated! :)

lydia: i'm really thankful that you came down to rehearsal to help out. thank you and thank God cause i wouldn't know how i could have possibly done it if you weren't around. i know nuts about the vocals and keyboard. yeah, i wanted to tell you they sounded pretty good this morning. :)


the pain is back. the torment which i feel when i try to get close to God and cannot find joy. today's worship was painful for me on a personal level. i just couldnt make sense of anything. there were chains holding me back and as hard as i prayed, i couldn't feel relieve. i can't help but feel cheated, betrayed, unworthy. God, i look to You. please give me strength to.

i just want to live happy. i think when i get back to camp, i'll just strive so hard in training, push so hard and hope that i'll drop dead. it is too boring just getting by. ahhh, my life seems so meaningless now. but thank God for blessing me with great friends.

i can no longer think or write coherently.