Innocent

Oh, Johnny wishes he was famous
Spends his time alone in the basement
With Lennon and Cobain and a guitar and a stereo
And while he wishes he could escape this
But it all seems so contagious
Not to be yourself and faceless
In a song that has no soul

I remember feeling low
I remember losing hope
And I remember all the feelings
And the day they stopped

We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent, we are, we are all
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent, we are, we are all

Oh, and Tina's losing faith in what she knows
Hates her music, hates all of her clothes
Thinks of surgery and a new nose
Every calorie's a war,
And while she wishes she was a dancer
And that she never heard of cancer
She wishes God would give her some answers
And make her feel beautiful

One day you'll have to let it go
You'll have to let it go
One day you'll stand up on your own
You'll stand up on your own

Remember losing hope
Remember feeling low
Remember all the feelings and the day they stopped

We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent, we are, we are
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent, we are, we are
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent, we are, we are
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent, we are, we are
We are, we are all innocent

we are all innocent..

even at 18, i am still struggling with a problem many teens face.. discontentment with being not good enough..

in a series of events over the last year or so, the feeling grows. right now, i'm plagued with a feeling of uselessness, not being able to, and not having done anything to be proud of, or to have served others such that someone else is blessed. and having ppl telling me that i'm not good enough, and one more recently from someone who matters a lot to me has dealt a severe blow to my confidence, and there are just times before i step on to play in a worship session, i had to specifically pray for confidence. it's such a low, as in my growing years, i rarely had a problem with confidence.

and because of this, i've learnt the value of having the mentality of screwing the world and enjoying myself no matter what others think. the punchinello mentality? really, it is impossible to please the world, so why seek it? i know at the end of the day, whom i want to please and i should really just concentrate on that.

i've also learnt how horrible it is to condemn someone. i'm guilty of it, sometimes denying someone my friendship, or depriving him/her of chances, just because i percieve that person to be not good enough, or just being not applicable to whatever need that needs to be fulfilled. standing on the other side of the line, being the one condemned, i'm learning the value of valuing others. so i ask all those i have been cold to in the past, to please forgive me, and give me that chance again. i'm sorry.

here's an update to the current status of things in my life. i'm slacking, and will have to look for a job again, because a promised job doesnt seem likely to come. and i'm pondering about pursuing my dream to become a session musician, the kind that plays at small events and all, more of an ambience player than one that is up there getting attention. i want to learn to make good music, and make someone's life for the better with it. also looking into where to go for uni. currently smu tops the list, probably for business/social sciences. or overseas, if i can work out a way to support myself abroad. but God scoffs at those who makes plans without Him, so i'll be praying about those stuffs and asking for you to pray for me too, and advice too. if the world dares tell me i'm not good enough to chase after my dreams, i'll just show it the finger and work even harder.

cheers to living!